Nicole’s Life

I realized something the other day. Someone asked me how I could handle so much on my plate and I said “because my plate is sturdy”.

For a long time, I took on many tasks to keep me busy. I was trying to fill my life not know what it was lacking. About a year and a half ago I felt like something was different with all my multi tasking. I realized I was happy! I was happy with myself, my family, my life. I was independent from my parents not that I don’t need them; because I do. For the first time I felt like a real adult.

I started looking at all that I had on my plate and realized I didn’t get nearly as stressed as before. I was taking on new projects because I wanted to learn something or I thought they could enrich my life. They have! I have learned new things which makes me feel fulfilled and complete.

In the past I tried to juggle so many things on a plate that had chips and holes, if you try to juggle the same amount of projects on a stable complete plate it becomes easier to prioritize and move things around. My plate is stable and sturdy because I am feeling complete. I am not saying I have done everything I want to do in life but I feel like I am in a good place.

I have come so far in 5 years, when my plate looked like a swiss cheese and was about as sturdy as a paper plate. I know now i can handle just about anything and I can’t wait to see what life has planned for me now.

Why is making a decision so difficult?

I mean really what are the steps:

1. Identify there is a choice to make

2. Identify the choices

3. Note the Pros and Cons of each out come

4. Weigh the Pros and Cons of each out come

5. Choose which solution is more beneficial

Ok 5 Steps, so why is it so complex?

We make thousands of decisions in a day from what to eat, which way to drive to work, or what shows to watch at night. For these decisions our brain does a mini analysis of the situation to come up with the best solution. These are simple tasks hardly thought of in a normal day.

Now for those decisions that will have more of an impact on our lives we may take a little longer. What college should we attend, which job should we take, which house should we buy. These things have to be thought of extensively because of the impact they have on our future.

When saying yes to a marriage proposal or giving one you don’t have to go through these steps, you just know that it is the right thing.

So tell me why it is so difficult to decide if you want a family or not. Is it because you are responsible for another life? You have to stop being selfish? Your life changes? I don’t know what the answer is but I believe people over analyze this decision. I am sure I am one of them.

When we arrived at Hershey Stadium the gray skies had saddened our faces.  Heather and I were taking her children, my niece and nephew, to see Toby Keith.

It started to rain halfway to the stadium and we all started chanting, “Rain, Rain go away come again another day!”  Unfortunately no one was listening.  Half our summer has been spent with no rain, and the one night we had two little faces that we could not disappoint we have a down pour.

We sat in the car watching the rain dance on the windshield.  The kids asked, “When can we go into the concert?”  Heather and I answered, “the rain should stop in a few minutes”, we questioned if that would be the truth.

And so the night of us being wrong began…

We walked into the concert a few minutes later and much to our dismay we were not permitted to take our umbrella through the gates, this being the only thing protecting us from the lovely rain.  We bought ponchos as soon as we walked through the gate, but no where did we see cowboy hats.  A country concert and no Cowboy hats, that is like a church without a Cross!!!  We figured the ponchos would keep us semi-dry.  Wrong Again…

Joe Nichols brightened our spirits and made us forget we were drenched.  The rain even subsided for a few minutes, and again we thought “Maybe it is over”.  And again we were wrong!

Toby Keith made his grand entrance; the kids jumped up on their chairs and started dancing.  Heather and I already standing began to dance!  As the lyrics went on we cared less and less about the rain.  Our hair and make-up ceased to be important, when you saw the joy in the kids faces. “The night was great even if it was raining” confirmed the kids.

This comment has been on my mind in the days since the concert.  I enjoyed the concert because the music was great.   However the best part of my night was when my niece and nephew taught me how to Dance in the Rain!!!

There is an elderly man that walks his dog behind my office on nice days. The first time I saw him he was pushing his dog in an old stroller, he wobbled back in forth as though he was in some discomfort. It broke my heart to see him walking alone. I wonder what his life was like, why he was out walking, was he homeless,or just trying to get exercise. This went on for a few weeks, I would see him and get myself all upset hoping that he had a good life, and what could I do if he didn’t? I think that once you get to your “twlight years” you should be able to enjoy them and I was still concentrating on this man and his old dog.

Time went on and I didn’t see him for about a month and then we had a beautiful day in December and he was out walking his dog again. I was releived, because nothing bad had happened to him and I believed he had a home because I had only seen him walking on nice days. I wish I would have been satisfied with that logic. I would come home and think about him and his life. One night I was talking to my husband about him, I hoped he had someone to spend the holidays with, what if he was lonely? did he have any family?

The next day at work I was talking to one of my co-workers who has lived in the area for some time and I mentioned the man who walks his dog. She knew just who I was talking about, my worries were all about to be subsided, my co-worker told me he lived with his child and her grandson always ran out when they walked by their house to feed the man’s dog. I realized at that point the man had his best friend (his dog) with him and lived a simple life. So now when ever I see the man I just smile and wave.

The real point of this story is When you get older you should be taken care or by your family, this doesn’t mean live with them, and be able to live the rest of your years in happiness.

My Grandmother worked her whole life, since she was 14. Her mother died when she was 7, her husband was an alcoholic, she has always had to be independent. I think now that she is 75 she should be able to enjoy her life and do all the things she dreamed of. I am sure that is what she thought would happen. Over a year ago she went on 100% oxygen not because she smoked but because my grandfather did, doesn’t seem fair. So she isn’t able to travel, shop, walk, or go out on weather extreme days as often as she would have liked. She can’t have pets anymore because it bothers her breathing and she taught me about the love of animals. She lives in a house that was built in the 1930’s, the house where her 4 children were raised. The house is in need of constant repairs as most houses built that long ago, repairs take money. Her husband died 17 years ago, she has lived alone since. She says she is not lonely and she likes her independence. This year she fianlly made the comment “I guess he just didn’t want to grow old with me”, I felt her lonleiness in that comment. So my grandmother who is the strongest woman I know is on oxygen all the time, living alone, forever putting money into an old house because there isn’t an alternative. It isn’t that my mother wouldn’t love to have her mother live with her, my grandmother wouldn’t want to burden any of her children. I wish things were different, I wish I didn’t have stairs in my house so she could come here. Then she would have extra money to do whatever she wanted. I know money is an issue for everyone on a fixed income, it is sad that she worked all her life and she is still struggling.

I spoke to my grandmother today and she told me of her latest dilemia, something is wrong with the 1930’s water pipes. She has no water coming into the house. This is no way for someone who has raised 4 children and worked all her life to live. I told her I wanted her to come up and spend the night and insisted that she was alright and plumbers would be by tomorrow to talk to her about the problems. Anytime anything has gone wrong with her home she has taken it in stride, but today she said to me “I don’t know why this is happening, I have never hurt anyone in my life”. I wish things were different, I wish she would have sold that house long ago and moved into a nice condo. This has really broken my heart.

I wish she would sell that house, but it is the one thing that has remained constant. My mother and I searched online tonight for apartments for older individuals, now I will cross my fingers that she will agree to sell the house. I just want her to be able to enjoy her life.

I don’t take for granted that she is still alive. I know I am lucky to have such a wonderful woman in my life that has helped to shape me into the woman I am.

So we will see what happens with the pipes tomorrow, I hope it makes it easier to leave that house.